Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. It is sad and hurtful and I felt she only did me favor to have sex with me.. We have 3 young kids so divorce is not an option and I had been sleeping in guest room for almost 6 months now.. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. bcb Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Makes me happy Im not married. What about the years of devotion? 1. But when I try to go to the next level. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. I dont know what to do! There is just so much fantasizing, flirting and masturbating that I can do. The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? No doubt youre frustrated. He is suffering from a mental health issue. Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. 2. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. Gopa explains how having a partner who has severe trust issues can also be the reason why theres no intimacy in marriage from the wife. Masturbation in the case of a marriage where one party is no longer interested in having sex and actively resists any overtures along those lines would seem to be the logical course of action. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. Sex ended, period. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. Spice up your appearance. Anyway, I simply want you to know that as many women as men are trapped in this sadness. I love him more than the day we were married many many years ago. I have not had an affair because, well, thats just not me. It literally changed our lives. No way not ever. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. Nope no sex. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. We seem to have fallen into a marriage without sex. Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. we always believe that we are being judged . I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. Now I definitely feel more like the odd woman out after reading all those men complaining about lack of sex!I am 45 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, so menopause was forced on me.I still feel like a horny B*** latina! Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. Nor, should they be. He is overly stressed from work. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. No sex for about 20 years. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. 3. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. Men are not mind readers. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. I feared marriage for tears because I knew this is what it would be. You know what I dont need to know the answer. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. I am utterly fed up with being in the friend zone or occasionally doing it with what might as well be a sack of potatoes. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. She was before marriage. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. Well said my friend. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. Sadly so, leave! Leave her, even if youre alone. Havent had regular sex in years, just a HJ or BJ on 8 or 9 month intervals typically. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. Focusing on her pleasure will make her banish any thought that my wife never wants to have sex.. I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. . When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? I dont look my age at all! I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). Womens sex drives are based on fulfilling other non sexual needs such as wedding, marriage, home ownership, babies, cars, money etc etc. I have no idea what to do. I am 50 and she is 45 but she began having the same symptom that you described. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. We now live in a society that it is selfish or disrespectful for a man to insist or ask for sex. She is against the idea of therapy. I hear a lot of men on here talk of leaving their wives over this. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names. I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. married 57 years. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. At that time my job became demanding. Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. Some nice and some angry! There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. 19. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. They need not be. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. I am 60, and my husband is 65. Sorry about no sex demise. As far as the guy I liked, nothing ever came of it. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other. I have a consulting business in devlopment now, because Social Security isnt enough to save money. I *must* woo my wife, always. My wife and I lost our beloved son several years ago. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. I find that unfathomable. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. Yes. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. This so frustrating at times. I must be cursed. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. /** Is there anything I can do. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Im 65, shes 70. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. "Feeling expected to have sex a certain way, or feeling like you need to have intercourse if you explore desire with your partner, can actually strangle a woman's libido over time.". I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. and possibly evil. Sigh . The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. If they did, they would be taking care of business! I rest my case. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. It is more than frustrating it is emotionally and physically painful. It is time to say, I am horny as hell, and I am tired of pretending I am not because I am over 50!. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. I brought this up in premarital counseling. You bet. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. I bet you think all men are stupid as well. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. Those hormones can cause cancer. Hello Overit, State your case to your partners. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. It isnt. Dear Joan, Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out.
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my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore