If anything, his dislike for it will help it belong to her more fully as she learns to separate herself from her parents. Are you on Tumblr? We cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if we are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell us to stop because it annoys him. I have to just try harder.. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 89 Take Them All Away . Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! Although Mom does need to step up and encourage a stronger relationship between the two of them, its ultimately Dads responsibility to cultivate that relationship. Did I fight with my dad as a teenager? Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. When the symbolic slot machine pays off, you were likely to have been off and running through the interpersonal Alice in Wonderland maze again. (Its not in the joking way, either, but in the Temperance never gets to choose another movie again way.). We watched Space Camp WAY too many times and tried astronaut ice cream together. I strongly agree with this. I think I read this differently than Wendy. 6napkinburger We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. meadowphoenix But every time they think theyve got it right, they find themselves, as if in a bad dream, back at ground zero, frustrated, undermined, and terribly confused. Shes all the better for it. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. Yeah, the letter makes me really concerned for their marriage. If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. In her mind, hes the only man who should be in your life and she may feel like shes losing him if you get divorced. As time went by, your belief that you had any influence at all was fading. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! Totally agree on the respect issue. bittergaymark He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. Required fields are marked *. Exactly Lily! No matter what state the person is in, he or she may face criminal prosecution of drunk driving when behind the wheel with a confirmed blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher as the national limit. On the flip side, my mother was much like LWs husband in that she always encouraged competitiveness and athleticism and things she thought were good. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. 1. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. He doesnt have to like Star Trek, but he can respectfully engage her when she talks about this topic. ), and Vietnam, but he doesnt care much about the hippie culture, so even though I love that, we skip that. The way hes acting could be a response to feeling alienated, Im sure, but right now it seems hes trying to run a bit of tyrannical household (with the assignments, & the verboten music and television). Your husband and your daughter are both geeks at heart, which is encouraging. THIS is the problem, not the fact that a 12-year-old girl likes 12-year-old girl things. So maybe Mom here does need to let go, and open the daughter up to a better relationship with Dad. I hated being around my father because it was constant criticism about my interests, which frankly, felt very personal because I was deficient for not being what he wanted. Ya know what happens when Mom encourages the relationship and Dad continues to belittle the kid? But in general, I lol at people who spit on the nerdy stuff. . We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I really think there might be a way for dad and daughter to meet in the middle here. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. But when I turned my attention towards nurturing my marriage, even though the kids got less attention, they started feeling more secure. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. I also really enjoyed Measure of Man which was the episode where Datas humanity is put on trial. Counseling could help because communication is an issue here because no matter how much youve talked about it nothing has changed. Did my mother? July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. Seriously. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. The conflict between your husband and daughter is bound to happen. If he didnt care, then that would be more worrisome. My father (and mother, if I want to be totally honest) would criticize anything that my sister and I had an interest in, regardless of how much value it did or did not have. Oh, and he thinks TV can actually teach somebody something more relevant than the fact that its both rather silly and stupid to be a Vampire Slayer Not too mention angst-filled. You also need to encourage your husband to be respectful of his daughters interests. This day is going down in history as the first day that Ive ever agreed with every single word youve said, BGM. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. By keeping a few key things in mind, you can make headway in even the toughest situations. If youre not sure how to establish or improve your bond with your daughter, here are five tips: In conclusion, it is evident that a daughter needs her fathers guidance and support, especially during her teenage years. MY HUSBAND is not an emotional man and has always found it difficult to talk about how he feels. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. Make it easier for him to be his best self. July 2, 2013, 3:14 pm. Have you read Tumblr recently? (I threw it all up and cried. Sad. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. I was afraid the BS stood for something else. Things they like, things they sorta like, things they dont like. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. And your husband needs to grow the eff up and be supportive of your daughters interests. Whats wrong with a daughter that is well-informed by national geographic and knows how to make a fire? To care for our two young kids. I didnt say all mature and intelligent adults like Buffy or Star Trek, Im just saying there are mature and intelligent adults who like Buffy or Star Trek. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. But his way is tearing them apart, to the point where she and I look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. Shes doing archery and piano, Id say thats enriching. July 2, 2013, 12:00 pm, Haha, I know your story honey, and am very jealous of your mom. Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. So, yes, encourage your daughter to take an interest what your husband likes. My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. Shes all the better for it. PS I also dont get why going camping and hiking versus Buffy-ing are mutually exclusive. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. Its not rocket science. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. For my husband he has to do all the driving. I got a very different vibe from this. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. But in college I fell in love with art history and now I actually take days off work to go visit art museums! The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. I assumed my mom was always just mom like. I remember our reaction (me and my bro) when we found out she liked Led Zeppelin . My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. Additionally, she may worry that if she stays in an unhappy marriage like yours, it will damage her relationship with her future spouse. , Did anyone else ever watch Home Improvement? Awesome. I mean ever. She and my dad didnt have much of a relationship, so she kind of looked to me to be her BFF, and I had a lot more in common with her. bittergaymark If the father wants his daughter to respect his interests, then he needs to be the adult and show her how adults should behave and respect hers. It should be a crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. Thats still not OK. I mean when she was a toddler did he demand that the Disney tunes never be played in favor of classical!?! I really dont think this situation falls entirely on the husband. Whether it be balance sports with history, Buffy with science, it doesnt matter. I know my father and I did not share a lot of interests when I was growing up I read a lot and was introverted. I am a huge fan of Pandemic its a co-op game, so you play against the disease and work as a team. In four decades of observing crazy-making partners in therapy, I have seen many underlying reasons why these people will simply not let their partners add up any pleasing points. He was much kinder to them.) Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. So as a clearly NOT fan girl, its pretty good! Did I love that stuff? Thats unfortunate (to say the least! bittergaymark Hey, that kind of worked for me. He should show her that he can make an effort to enjoy her interests and encourage her in the same spirit to enjoy his. But he can be a great dad regardless. I cant believe you didnt address that. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. We garden and cook together, and sometimes share favorite TV shows. All these behaviors contribute to the problem and are probably making the daughter less inclined to spend time with him. A lot of them could lean into things he likes Firefly could lead into an interest in science. Ive grown up to be a very accomplished writer, and my dad loves to read what I write. July 2, 2013, 1:27 pm. One of these people is an adult and one of these people is twelve. Listen, this dad sounds exactly like my dad when I was 12, down to insisting I be more competitive, and why cant I play sports, and so on. (Though I do try to find the stuff I like the best of the stuff he likes.) I agree weddings can be stupid . Did we always get along? as well, which is probably why this struck a chord with me. I agree with Wendy here. Really so good and so true! Other times, you may have felt you were doing everything right to get a predictable outcome, but your efforts were unproductive or even erased. My mom hated most of those things and really didnt make an effort to get involved. About Us . 6napkinburger Heck, where would we be without Star Trek? He also occasionally went to movies with us. And so does dad. Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. You can follow me on Facebook here and sign up for my weekly newsletter here. But mom, dont do the us versus him. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. I think compromise and parental teamwork will go a long way here. And his dad didnt want to hear anything about my husbands interests. I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. If the issue is raised during a child custody . They wouldnt do that, would they? J said the shows and books listed are things mature, intelligent adults like. Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. And the Inner Light is a great episode, I watched it recently on Netflix. painted_lady And theyre relationship suffered because my dad never made an effort to step up and show interest in what he was interested in. My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. During the summer especially, our kids both have homework that may include working on actual homework-like assignments or getting a privilege after answering X number of questions correctly on our American Trivia game (history, pop culture, geography, etc). Encourage her to have fun with him. All rights reserved. To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. I forgive you!. She doesnt want counseling, but maybe parenting classes? Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. Please implore him to realize that if one of your daughters peers was reacting similarly to her, the two of you would deplore that child as a Mean Kid. Im not sure why people think it makes you a bad parent to tell your kid that you dont enjoy some of the same stuff they enjoy and that they can do that when you arent around. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. Im peace-ing out. After all, youre two different people with different perspectives, needs, and wants. July 2, 2013, 4:47 pm. As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. No. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. Im doing everything I can to make things work between us. July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. He needs to make some fundamental changes to his behaviour. Or raising a child who should have a bigger perspective about the world and what is going on. If a father is not present in his daughters life, she may feel neglected and unloved. I dont care if he thinks her shows are boring his wife and daughter deserve respect. ). (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) Discuss that there are other things to talk about sure. He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. When children become teenagers, they sometimes start to distance themselves from their parents.
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my husband is driving my daughter away